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Friday, October 14, 2016

The Cancer of 5 Cs

Fearing the failure, 
they master the trick to command…
Overlooking the authenticity, 
they run their own comparison metric …
In the sake of perfection,
they are never content and 
always keep a reason to complain…
In the name of relationship,
they put others in the compulsion drain…
Weirdly they do not focus, do not listen and confuse; 
still they claim to know the art to comprehend…
Unconcerned and seemingly unempathetic; 
deriving their own conclusion is their trademarked trend…
~Jyotika Rajput Mehra Poetry

Ever wondered what paralyses the health of a relationship! 
Let me shed some light in here! 

Just as Cancer creates painful tumours in the physical body, some brittle patterns of human behaviour when exhibited in consistency possess enough potential to create heart stabbing inflammations in the psyche.

Be it a personal camaraderie or a professional association, it is imperative to abandon the impact of these mind corrupting traits. If controlled at initial stages, bond with self as well as others can be revived and the unwanted infliction of pain can be very well ceased in time.

This post is an accumulation of well-pondered musings and fine observations made over a substantial period of time till date. I call it as the “Cancer of 5Cs”. Here I share my perspective of these psychic cancers along with their antidotes. I believe this reading to be helpful to those who willingly wish to analyse the unpleasing behavioural patterns and find a measure. 

Let's Stop the Cancer of 5 Cs Today...

#1. The Cancer of Commandment

“I am born to rule!” 
So is everybody! Isn’t it? 

The moment one slips into the trickery to assume self to be a "ruling" body, that very moment is the beginning of the end of beautiful associations in their life!

Anybody embodying this proverb is straightforwardly suffering from the “cancer of commandment”. Those who frequently hunt to strike upon a soft target with their unremitting commands must once go in cahoots with their identical twin who exhibits the same snobbery! This shall give them a chance to meet their own reflection! 

Following the official authoritative rules and commandments is definitely an obvious affair, which the gentle minds do! However, anytime, anywhere, assuming the other person to be the “genie of your bottle” or playing stunts to make someone to be the obeying robot is a pure repressive act!

Antidote #1: Converse with Compassion

It’s very aptly said that, “speaking” denotes listening to your own words and knowing the already known thoughts! Knowing other’s perspective is essential as it shows you the other world! Hence conversations are a beautiful way to make your voice reach to someone’s heart rather than only to their mind. Nobody wants to be ruled! Terminate that dictating mode and convey your message with compassion and open-mindedness.

Dig out some common interests that act as a bridge. If there’s nothing in common, bring in compassion for the sake of your human heart! Commands may help in building great empires, but they do not help in facilitating beautiful bonds!

#2. The Cancer of Comparison

Stance 1: Comparison created in reference to others
“Look at them, they’re fantastic! You can never be like them!”
“My way is better than yours! You’re just not good!”

Stance 2: Comparison created in reference to your own self
“My goodness! They’ve got sky rocketing wealth...! And I am still struggling!”
“They’ve got such a loving partner! And my partner behaves as a prickly pear!”
“Their children are well-settled and successful in life! Mine are hopeless and totally worthless!”
“Earlier, the life used to be good in every way! Unfortunately, it’s not the same now!”

Anybody nodding to realise that their mind weaves such or similar nasty and demeaning comments, should check their veins for the “cancer of comparison”!

Comparison of two individuals or entities that makes others or even your own self taste bitterness is an absolute stingy thing! The law of nature has creatively designed every single creature of this world with a certainly peculiar uniqueness, and hence it restricts anybody’s right to make comparisons in that regard! Also, mulling and comparing the past with the present, especially when you are currently facing some odds, may be a natural act but its a complete thumbs down approach attracting nothing but negativity!

Moreover, if somebody possesses a specific asset, it’s because of their own unique set of traits and indeed the best efforts. 

“Why don’t your envied eyes also catch the glimpse of the toil, sweat and blood behind that sky-rocketing wealth?” 
“Why don’t you also click the sacrifices made in that rosy pictured relationship?” 
“If someone’s children seem to be successful today, why don’t you notice the amount of quality time that was spent in nurturing them?”

Antidote #2: Create Conviction

Conviction is all what you need to accept the authenticity, be it for others or even your own self! Also, staying in real current moment is the key to wonders. It might be difficult to do but once done, you reap the benefits it brings along.

Conviction brings in the ability to view the panoramic picture rather than the nagged titbit stories! In case you’re the awesome master of your craft, make others learn your way with an inspirational delight. Everybody is the hero of their own lives! Condemning their ways or forming comparisons finally gets your name hooked up in the “most unwanted” list!

Next time when your blood rushes to create comparisons, calm your restlessness with the magic of believing in yourself and others, and every other thing that comes into your way.

#3. The Cancer of Complaint

“Why did you do this?”
“Why didn’t you do that?”
“No, it’s not looking fine!”
“Why is it not happening that way?”

Anybody running such circus of complains must know that their mind cells are caught by the “cancer of complaint”! In the revelation of scientific surveys, it is often observed that the attempt of manipulating all gigs to the level of perfection creates a deep urge to criticise all, be it an object or any being.

Once the habit of negating things or people is fixated severely in the psyche, it becomes very difficult for that individual to normalise their mind! At times this spooky spiral of behaviour becomes self-disturbing and let down the doer with disgrace, camouflaging their credibility.

Antidote #3: Commend

Commend and be generous! Commend people; commend yourself... not for what went wrong; but for that little thing that went right! It’s just the matter of shifting your perception and resetting your habit. And you’ll be surprised to notice that there remains nothing to be complained about! It’s not that problems would stop appearing but you’ll probably build up more endurance while looking for the solutions.

Next time when your brain itches to complain, try to see that small beam of goodness that exists in everything and everybody!

#4. The Cancer of Compulsion

 “They are my parents; and I expect them to do it for me!”
“Being my children, they can’t refuse but do that at any cost!”
“They are my friends; hence they have to do it for me!”
“Being my spouse; they can’t say no but do that for me!”
“They are my subordinates; they have no option but to do that additional task!”

Anybody projecting such or similar thoughts is indeed affected by the “cancer of compulsion”. This detrimental behavioural disorder plays havoc in the personal life as well as work environment. Looking upon people as the obligatory supporters is intoxicatingly suffocating. Unwillingly, someone may participate in the emotional turbulent puppet dance but none would continue the drama for long, thereby creating disharmony in the relation! It is observed, people are rather more stringent on others than they are on themselves!

Simply put, any entity “taken for granted” is compelled to meet a disruptive ending!

Antidote #4: Convince with Concern

Being concerned enough of other’s feelings is a big saviour of the drowning relations. You are in association with a human, not a machine! Compelling may trigger them to be your controlled device but your impudence will make you lose their admiration and reverence.

Broaden your intellectual horizons by first knowing the genuineness of your own needs, wants and desires. Thereafter convincing someone with your given reasons can become a child’s play.

Add the bowl of care and concern for others to the platter of your in-demand favours... life will indeed be meaningful then!

#5. The Cancer of Confusion

“And I conclude...”

Anybody whose cognitive system is driven by impatience or major levels of misinterpretation is bound to be traumatised by the “cancer of confusion”. This is a proven psychological fact; those who lack good listening ability and remain in their own shell tend to hop onto hap-hazard conclusions fired by confusions. Consequently these conclusions pose a barrier in every little thing in life, thus labelling an individual as a nebulous mind.

Antidote #5: Concentrate, Comprehend and Clarify

Now-a-days concentration seems to be a gesture only active while driving! The value of this highly required trait is too under-estimated. It is necessary to comprehend things well in their true format and that necessitates the appropriate level of focus.

It is imperative to be completely receptive to the conveyed message as well as other’s perceptions. Before passing out the final verdict, lend your heart too, along with your ears and eyes to people and events. Focus on the words, gestures as well as intentions of someone, before deriving your own meaning.

At last, clarify! Clear out that fluff of the self-woven assumptions. Do not pitch into the thought - "What others will think if you ask a certain thing!" Your peace of soul is more important than the judgement made by others. In most cases, clarification promotes transparency in relations, that's the strongest sign of great bonds.

So, timely clarify with people before spreading the mistaken information, before upsetting your own self and before breaking someone’s heart.

Here are few more handy and instantly effective proven measures. They’re bound to shift your attention and re-program your mind to act mild in that difficult moment.
  • Do finger snapping for few seconds
  • Close eyes and take few deep breaths
  • Drink a glass of water
Note: These steps can be performed in succession or even separately.

Help from peers and family is a good way to know of your intense behaviour. Let them tell you back about your peevish habits. Don’t mind their interference at this point of time and be receptive. It’s better to consume a dose of medicine than to go for a major operation!

[PS: Dear readers, if you think there’s someone you know who’s caught up in the cancer of 5Cs, please reach out to them with all your love and transform their lives with these antidotes! 

I would love to know your perception and feedback. 
Please share your comments below.

Disclaimer:

*The author of this post reserves rights for the content source being an original concept of practical solutions for the complex cognitive disorders. Be mindful to give credit to if you refer this blog post or picture or quote anywhere. Please do not copy without permission. ©Jyotika Rajput Mehra

* This post is purely based on the author’s emotions, feelings and perception; with purpose to spread positivity and motivate the readers to self examine the health of their relationships. This is a sincere effort by the author to present the self-taught and finely executed life lessons to address the complex real world human personality traits. The compiled content is for informational purposes only. The author is not liable for any misinterpretation causing any detrimental scenario.

* The author holds the ownership of the displayed piece of art. Please do not:
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